North Texas Daily

OPINION

When Jonathan Irish and Stephanie Janvrin found out they were expecting a little girl, they couldn’t wait. A friend of theirs even remarked that they had saved up pennies for the arrival of their new daughter, Cheyenne. Stephanie was ecstatic the day the baby was born and Jonathan wasn’t much different.

But behind that caring father exterior, Jonathan Irish had a dark side, an interest in something so offensive it’s hardly fathomable. Now I am aware there are many offensive things out there in the world, but the interest of Jonathan Irish is so reprehensible I would advise the faint-hearted to quit reading.

For those of you still with me, I suppose you’re strong enough to hear me come out and say what Jonathan Irish’s interest was — the U.S. Constitution. I know: Take it in, drink some water and sit down. It gets worse. Apparently, this new father not only had an interest in the Constitution, but was also a member of Oath Keepers, a group that claims to care for our troops and veterans and thanks them for defending the Constitution. Of course, according to the government, we all know deep down inside that they’re really just evil.

But not to panic, because our glorious United States government has shown this villain Jonathan Irish and his fiancee exactly who’s the boss. Within a few hours of baby Cheyenne’s birth, two of our noble departments, the Department of Health and Human Services and the Division for Children, Youth, and Families came in and took the child away from these meddlesome Constitution-loving radicals.

The affidavit read in part, “… the Division became aware and confirmed that Mr. Irish associated with a militia known as the ‘Oath Keepers’…” Now there hasn’t been any evidence found that suggests Oath Keepers is a militia and while their website states they are not one, we obviously know by intuition that they’re evil and our glorious government did a wonderful job in being proactive.

Fellow comrades, when will we all finally understand that the Constitution is irrelevant today? Why have rights to free speech, privacy and protest when we can have a caring state to hug, nurture, and yes, at times discipline us as a caring father would his children? May this couple learn their lesson, and find peace in the fact that now the federal government is raising their child better than they could’ve ever hoped.

As for Oath Keepers, you’re hiding evidence that you’re a militia pretty well, but I’ve got my eye on you. As for you ,reader, I ask: is your neighbor an Oath Keeper?