North Texas Daily

What if I told you an asteroid, between 0.3 and 0.75 miles wide, traveling approximately 76,000 mph, was on a collision course with Earth, and we were all doomed to perish?

This kind of thing actually happens a lot.

Some group of “experts,” or “specialists,” or “NASA,” predicts the end of the world and we start losing it. Can they stop yanking our chain already?

When will I finally get some alone time in an underground bunker to watch all of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” like everyone’s been telling me?

To clarify, there is an asteroid named 2002 AJ129 of that size and speed headed our way, but it won’t make contact with Earth.

It will fly right by us, though, at a distance no closer than 10 times the distance between Earth and the moon, according to NASA. Our planet is in the clear.

But, the asteroid is still classified as “potentially hazardous.” Bearing that in mind, I think it would behoove us all to come up with a few things we’d like to do if the world were to come to an end. They say preparation is the key to success.

Suspend your belief, if you will.

Time management 

My mom always tells me I need to manage my time better and take more initiative of my life.

What better way to improve yourself than being forced to do so while staring down the barrel of a breakneck, multi-ton rock? Use imminent death to propel you to finally start writing that book or slide into your crush’s DMs. Much like procrastinating homework until the last minute, let impending doom once again be your catalyst to do something you always meant to.

Practice adaptation skills

Frankly, it is surprising an apocalypse hasn’t already happened, besides that one a while back that killed all the dinosaurs (may they rest in peace).

If survivors of 2002 AJ129 were suddenly launched into an ice age, instead of taking inspiration from the dinosaurs of old, perhaps survival, adaptation and evolution is the way to go. Start practicing ice skating. Turn the AC temperature down. Try an ice bath. Eventually our biology will get the idea and our numerous great-grandchildren will thank us for their blue skin and environmentally appropriate body temperatures.

Go streaking

I’m not a sports fan, so I admire the asteroid’s dedication to stealing the spotlight by colliding with Earth on Super Bowl Sunday.

This is America, so forthcoming fire and brimstone of any nature will probably not affect viewership or attendance of the game. The combination of complete annihilation and the Super Bowl is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do the thing: go streaking. Note that security will be rigorous and running naked among a bunch of professional football players will be pretty physically demanding. I don’t even have to write that I am not responsible for any ensuing bodily harm or fines, because we’re all dying anyway.

You can reinstate your belief now.

Again, to be clear, 2002 AJ129 will not come into contact with Earth at all. Please do not call this fake news or bombard the @AsteroidWatch Twitter account.

We can all learn something from this close call, though.

Maybe we don’t need the perception of an enormous, deadly explosion to do things that make us nervous. Maybe some of these things make us nervous because we want to do them so bad. So why don’t we just do them? Telling someone you love them is a lot less scary than an asteroid death.

Featured Image: Illustration by Austin Banzon